A full report after my first Harvest Showcase

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By Brad Bowman

Disclaimer: please read the following with tongue firmly planted in cheek.
After attending my first Harvest Showcase, I must say I am disappointed.
I didn’t have the opportunity to spend $20 dollars attempting to win an anemic gold fish in a plastic bowl. No chance to bust a few balloons for a Black Sabbath mirror or purchase a $5 plastic souvenir lemonade bottle which could’ve added to the shelves of useless cabinet clutter.
A tractor pulled the only ride, sans any seizure inducing flashing lights, and passengers had to sit next to a bunch of other locals who could easily talk to you without any fluffy pop music to drown them out.
My better half’s daughter who is 11 going on 21, and is young enough to know everything, couldn’t find anything over $8 to spend our money on other than art. She and my niece stared in dismay when the attractions didn’t immediately measure up to their hip enough for a teenager’s expectations.
I watched genuine interest spark from their eyes when they were reduced to petting real animals from the Davis’ alpaca and turkey and the Dzurenka’s rabbits. They couldn’t keep themselves away as local celebrities jerked at Kentucky Kate’s udders.
It infuriated us that Wi-Fi wasn’t readily available at the fairgrounds so they could connect to their 500 friends on Facebook or incessantly watch boy bands like the Britain’s One Direction on YouTube.com.
They also had to wear sun block to protect their faces from the sun instead of the safe dull glow of an Ipod touch or personal laptop.
The dining options proved just as exasperating. I couldn’t find any fried chicken nuggets to quell the dwindling levels of cholesterol and partially hydrogenated soybean oil in their growing bodies.
Furthermore, my better half that usually will only consume healthy, local and organic fare settled for a raw veggie wrap and homemade ice cream. Where were the soft serve chemically flavored  ‘dairy product’ ice cream selections that are dispensed by the trough full in corporate franchises?
I settled upon a smoked brisket sandwich that exploded in my mouth with flavor.
How will the county ever compete with big city business if it doesn’t allow a homogenized, prepackaged corporate community event? I felt lost talking to vendors that were actual farming families or businesses within the community.
Moreover, anyone who knows me knows this is a screed full of sarcasm. Thank you for making my family’s Saturday an enjoyable time. I would prefer the Harvest Showcase over the typical fair any day.